A Way Of Life

A Way of Life

Sebastian looked at Talan as she sipped on her egg drop soup cautiously. She didn’t want to burn her tongue like she had last time. He couldn’t take his gaze off of her and she barely noticed him these days or even cared about the effect she still had on him after all this time. He moved a strand of hair that was astray on her face and she looked up with deploring eyes and a coy grin. He put her hand in his and she leaned into him and laid her head on his shoulder.
“I miss you, I don’t think you understand how much I look forward to dinner these days,” he said half-heartedly.
“It’s only a couple of more months, then life will seem more normal again and we can be Sebastian and Talan,” she assured him.
“I knew this when you took the job, I’m just happy I get to see you for even a little bit. At least I can focus on my studies more now and get through my work more quickly than when you were around. Babe, only four more months, and then you can have a normal job, with normal hours,” he smiled.
“Normal…yeah, it’ll be normal. I couldn’t really think about working there another year,” she mumbled while stroking his palm thoughtlessly.
She leaned up, kissed him and squeezed his hand in a way that made him feel that she appreciated everything he had dealt with and sacrificed in order for this relationship to work. He gave her a squeeze back that transmitted every ounce of love he had in his body to hers. They went on finishing their meal and then got up to make their way back to their late nights, she with her financially intense job and he with his law books. He helped her with her long wool jacket and she instinctively interlocked her arm around his and put her hand in his pocket to meet his.
As they split at the block corner, he gave her a light kiss on her forehead and brought her in for a long bear hug. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Goodnight,” she responded listlessly. She released her hand from his and turned around and began walking down the sidewalk. Sebastian just stood there for a few minutes watching her walk away until she turned the corner. He couldn’t believe that after almost three and a half years, he still felt so much in love with her.

She made her way up to the office and found herself greeted with a new stack of papers to sort through. She looked at them and was not sure quite what to do. She leaned back in her chair and clicked on her inbox. As she waited for her inbox to pull up on her screen she found her eyes closing on her as she fell asleep for what only seemed like minutes.
She opened her eyes and saw her reflection in the bright computer screen full of excel spreadsheets. All she could see were her newly formed wrinkles under her eyes that she thought she could definitely avoid for another fifteen years and the exhaustion that infiltrated her now flushed skin. Despite her youthful energy in the mornings and even sometimes on her nights out, by the end of the work day, she could attest that she was a forty-eight year-old not-so-exuberant lady and very ready to pass on any plans that anyone threw her way.

Talan was only twenty-three and she felt like everyday brought about more and more grey hair, even though she only had two grey hairs. She was getting excited though; it was almost the end of her two year analyst program. The end was creeping up slowly but ever so surely. She had only four months left, and she had just received her third year analyst offer. She wasn’t sure if she was going to accept, but by the age of twenty-four she could be earning a quarter million dollars and moving up the investment banking ladder. At least all these days of hard work and nights without sleep were being well compensated. Even though the pay was ample, she wondered what she had sacrificed and what she was missing out on with her friends. She knew she still had maybe more than four months left to this horrid job before she could move on and her life could become a persistent humdrum life. But then again, maybe humdrum was something she was not accustomed to and would not know how to deal with.
“Ms. Sachs, I need these books put together by 5AM tomorrow morning. I have a meeting with a client at 7, and I need to review them before then. Finish them tonight and drop them off at my house when you’re done and make sure you take heed to all the corrections I’ve made,” officiated her managing director, Tom Leavitt, as he threw the piles of paper consisting only of financial analysis onto Talan’s desk.
“I’m on top of it.”
“Goodnight Ms. Sachs,” retorted Tom as if he was rubbing the fact that he was going to get sleep tonight in her face.
Talan quickly began working on the books that Tom had just ordered. She began to put together the financial analysis into spreadsheets, graphs and charts. Even though the work was monotonous, the one thing that Talan quickly came to learn was that her co-workers were not. They were always fun to hang out with late at night around the office when they were all waiting around for their books to be printed. After a year of being in the office, her fellow analyst, Jason, were known as the dynamic duo that were assigned on every project together but also hung out together outside of the office too. Talan was surprised that for once in her life she could actually maintain a professional and friendly relationship with a male. She always found herself attracting any guy that she tried to befriend. Even in college, every guy that she worked with always had a hidden agenda. Jason was simple.
“Jason! Wake up, you have work to do. You can’t be falling asleep, it’s only one o’clock.”
“Sachs, you’re killin’ me.”
“No, that would be your managing director.”
“Let’s go out for drinks.”
“As fun as that sounds, I have to finish these books. And even if I got off early today, my bed is calling my name. What does Bill say? ‘You have to earn your sleep around here son.’”
“Bill can go sit on it. I am done for the night. All the guys are going out tonight, you should come out. It’s Friday night. Do you know what that is anymore?”
“Shut your hole. You act like you’re the only one here that wants booze and ass.”
“Sachs, are you admitting that you’re not asexual? Do I need to send this out to the listserve? I mean, you’ll get them hitting on you so fast, Tom might as well have to take a number for those books, don’t worry, he’ll understand.” Jason winked.
Talan fell silent and ignored Jason’s usual babbling about how all she had to say was that she in fact did have a libido. She had become used to this lifestyle. She never understood why she wanted to be a banker. Maybe it was the money or the idea that women weren’t cut out for it, but whatever it was, she knew that she would be bored with any other career choice.

Working with practically only men, she began to miss her girl friends from college. She had grown tired of the debauchery and began yearning to make real girl friends in the office. That was hard to do. Either the girls in the office were squares and intensely boring or they were too slutty for her taste. She loved going out but, it never felt like college anymore. It felt creepy and not as carefree as it used to be. She was always going out with the guys and occasionally with her roommates when she could actually get off of work to meet up with them. Not only did the job dwindle down her choice of friendships, but she was growing isolated from all the people in her life that she had once felt she could not go a day, let alone month, without talking to.
“Stop playing ice queen. I am going to finish up this crap, so I can come in an at least an hour late tomorrow morning. Most of the guys won’t get done for another hour and I think we’re just gonna hit the Meat Packing District. You sure you don’t wanna come?”
“I want to, but it doesn’t seem like its possible tonight,” she responded half-heartedly as she pushed the “enter” button on her keyboard which signaled that the book was completed. Now she would have to turn it into the printing team and wait for them to put it together. Only God knew how long that would take. “I have to wait for these books and then drop them off at Tom’s place.”
“Fuckin’ shit. Well, I’ll wait for you.”
“No, just go out.”
“We’re a team, Sachs-Halstead. A highly fun team may I add. This shouldn’t take you too long, the printing team isn’t even busy tonight.”
“Jason, just go. I don’t have the energy to keep arguing with you.” Talan got up and began walking toward the elevators and pushed the down button.
Jason watched her get into the elevator and saw the doors closed as he leaned his seat backwards. He had never had trouble snagging a girl in his life. He always came, saw and conquered. Never had someone like Talan Sachs come into his life though. She had the sass that kept him coming back for more, but none of his ex-girlfriends had the poise and tact that she had. He could predict her every word, finish her sentences, and even order her meals, but he still felt that he knew nothing about her. Nothing. Every guy at work had at least tried asking her out once, if not twice, even then, Talan never agreed to take any offers. She knew full well that if the whole office could see any romantic interactions, then the teasing and gossip alone could be at the very least humiliating, if not mortifying. Many a nights in the office had Jason and Talan come close to becoming more personal than she wanted, but Talan always whisked around in her chair before it ever got to anything substantial.

When Talan arrived at her desk after checking with the printing department, she saw a note that Jason had left her on a pink post-it note on her computer monitor: Don’t work too hard, hardworker. I’ll see you out tonight. She had grown really fond of Jason over the last year and a half, he was the only real friend at the office she had. She could trust him. That was something she had never had before. She sat down at her computer and shook the mouse to bring the computer out of the idle mode. She checked her personal email and couldn’t waste time on many of her favorite sites because the company had blocked the websites all together. She had no option but to cruise CNN.com and MSNBC.com. After a half hour of wasting time online, an e-mail pop-up came up on her screen: Ms. Sachs, The books are printed, please come pick them up from the printing department. Have a wonderful evening and weekend. Best, The Printing Team.
She picked up the books, made her way into the company car, and asked the driver to take her to Tom Leavitt’s home, where she would drop off the books and make her way to the comfort of her bed. As she made her way into the car, she found Jason sitting there, waiting. How accustomed the two of them had become to their late night rendezvous. She plopped down into the seat; he grabbed the back of her thin, long neck and brought her lips to his mouth for the most human embrace either had received all week. Talan did not know a life outside of work, she couldn’t think in terms of “her life,” but only how she could be available for her job. The whole ride consisted of sophomoric antics with an adult twist.
Jason couldn’t help himself, “I’m taking the third year offer. I’m staying here, with the bank for another year.” Talan nibbled on his ear, signaling him to stop thinking, stop talking. “Are you taking the offer, we can keep our team…. Sachs-Halstead. We’re a legend in the office and they don’t even know about our after hours…”
She moved in and brushed her hand through Jason’s hair. She looked up at him and all she could think about was how she never felt this thrilled with Sebastian, she couldn’t remember the last time he excited her this way. She could only offer Jason indecision, “I don’t know. I haven’t given it too much thought.”
“How could you not have thought about it? You’ll get to spend another year with me that should be incentive enough.”
He threw his weight on her and through lost breath she mustered, “Great thought process you have there; I’ll use that reasoning to explain it to Sebastian.”
“Give him up,” Jason snapped as he made his way down her, unfastening her shirt button by button.
“It’s not that easy!” she retorted back. The anger just pulled her closer and she moved her down from his hair down his chiseled back.
“I want to take you out on a date,” he spurted out before he could even catch himself.
She pulled away, “I told you that wasn’t an option. It’s not what I want. I thought you didn’t want that either. This is… was supposed to be purely physical and professional…” She buttoned her shirt hurriedly in silence as Jason sat there staggered. He never even realized when these feelings even came over him.
He quickly tried to regain composure as she finished up buttoning her shirt and coyly remarked as he patted her lap, “Go be a good analyst and drop off those papers.”
“Goodnight,” Talan smirked as she let herself out and closed the car door behind her.
She made her way out of the car and straightened up her skirt and blazer and put her disheveled hair into a ponytail. She readjusted herself before she made her way up Tom’s stoop. She dropped off the books in the foyer and was now closing the door behind her. She made her way out and the driver had already opened the door for her. She made her way into the backseat of the black Lincoln. Her head quickly found its nook on the headrest and her arm lay motionless on the armrest and her eyes closed. Jason would make his way out of the car while she dropped off the books to catch a taxi to wherever. They both knew it would lead to nothing else, but Talan, like a moth to a flame, could not stop herself from being burned by desire. Talan never knew she could be so detached or that she was even capable of such an office affair, but one look at Jason and it was hard to keep anything plutonic. The day that she could actually have a plutonic relationship would be the day.

She was welling inside, full to the brim, of exhaustion as the car pulled up to the building. Talan could feel the pillow against her cheek.. As she walked in, she noticed that the foyer had been remodeled; the management had finally painted the plastered walls and decorated it with nice red rugs and tan sofas. It made it pleasant to come home to, almost welcoming, but something Talan would have to get used to nonetheless. She took the elevator to her apartment and as she opened the door to her room, she found Sebastian lying on her bed like usual. The only boyfriend she had, established in junior year of undergrad and loyal as a Doberman. He had become accustomed to sleeping alone in her bed until the wee hours of the night when she would make it home after work, but she promised him only two years of banking. Only two years. She changed into her pajamas and decided to forgo any hygienic activities for the sweet taste of her pillow. She would tell him in the morning or maybe tomorrow over dinner that she would be accepting the third year offer.
“Hey babe, you’re home,” as he leaned in to kiss her forehead and readjusted to put his arm around her waist.
“It was the longest day of my life,” she muttered.
“Just like tomorrow will be…” Sebastian whispered into her ear as she closed her eyes feeling the comfort of home.