I Want My Crown Back

So, the girls that were in town know that I had to spend my evening last night watching the Miss Universe 2006 Pageant because I wanted to support the candidate, or "delegate" from the motherland. Motherland = India, for those who do not know where I hail from. I'm going to digress right about here: this past weekend, on Jenn'dahos birthday night to be exact, Nisha and I stayed at Glass because our feet were hurting and the trek to 6th street was quite intimidating. Neither one of us was inebriated or quite frankly in the mood to go there at 1:15. However, around 1:30, we realized that time was passing by at an excruciatingly slow pace and we decided, "What the fuck, let's go, our friends are good entertainment when they're drunk." As we are walking to 6th street, we run into a "crazy" and the "crazy" says, "Damn, Indian women are beautiful. They're just the hottest women I've ever seen, where you girls from? Are you from Jordan?" I am offended, not by the fact that he thinks I am from Jordan but more so by the fact that God would allow such an idiot in my presence. I am a self-proclaimed good girl, some would say an alcoholic nun; I KNOW I deserve better than that. Anyways, I am Indian, I do not look Jordanian, and I reply, "I'm Indian, where do you think Indians come from?" And he retorted with an incoherent comment as a result of his drunkenness mixed with his pure lack of geographic and ethnic intelligence. Anyhow, I was watching Miss Universe 2006 Pageant to cheer on the delegate from my motherland, Jordan, of course. Jordan does not have a delegate and nor does any other Muslim nation.

While I was watching Miss Universe 2006, I came across several incidents worth noting here. Miss India nor Miss Jordan made it to the top 10, I know, it's quite disappointing and so sad too. But just so that none of you get big heads about it, neither did Miss China or Miss Taiwan or Miss Vietnam or Miss North Korea or Miss South Korea (I don't actually know if these contestants exist, but they did not make it to the final 10). These were the highlights: Miss USA was bangin' fine and her dress was the dress that was made on Project Runway (something Danny would like to know), Miss Japan made it to the top 5 and she was just adorable as they come, Miss Puerto Rico wore a dress in J-Lo Grammy fashion in which breast exposure is almost complete; however, her hair was done quite well. She was by far the least classy, but I guess she took the judges with her eloquent response or her modest breasts. Now, let's look at the judges, and you can see how the winner was determined.

The judges for the evening were as follows:

AMELIA VEGA
MARC CHERRY
CLAUDIA JORDAN
JAMES LESURE
BRIDGETTE WILSON-SAMPRAS
MARIA CELESTE ARRARAS
PATRICK MCMULLAN
SANTINO RICE
SEAN YAZBECK
EMMITT SMITH
TOM GREEN

We all know that the models and pretty people that are asked to judge like Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Santino Rice, and Sean Yazbeck were going to vote based purely on looks. And then you take into account Tom Green, he's just going to vote based on who would be most accepting of his one-ball-ness condition and give him some action after the pageant. But then leave it to my, and of course Mary's, homeboy, Emmitt Smith, to make the most fair and well thought-out decision based upon sound reasoning: "I would rather have all these beautiful women chase and tackle me any day instead of ugly men." It was quite obvious that Emmit's (I can call him by his first name, he and I are cool like that) decision go to the girls, I mean ladies, that have presented him with the best opportunities in life and he of course, without a doubt in my mind, placed his vote for Miss Puerto Rico. How awesome. Let's look at her, she's quite gorgeous. However, lets actually take a look at her.


Why do you think the men in the panel of judges voted for her. I am actually going to give her mad props, she is intelligent enough to know that the best way to win a pageant in this day and age is through sexual prowess not aptitude. Maybe Miss Puerto Rico is very deserving of her crown.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings of the day.

A Healthy Amount of Optimistic Cynicism is Good For You

"You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet." - Cher, Clueless

By far one of the most imminent and profound statements of all times. I have once again come to another theory of great and profound importance. I'd like to preface this by simply stating that most of my friends, being that they grew up in idealistic America, will not wholly agree with me because this country makes most people into idealists, not realists, which is dually fortunate and unfortunate. We are fortunate that these ideals allow us to dream and unfortunate that sometimes we dream to an extent where no such reality could ever exist.

Theory: The longer you wait (may it be personal choice or otherwise) to delve into a relationship, the higher your standards become and the pickier you become, which leads you to be more and more hesitant about potential relationship opportunities. In some cases people become strongly hindered from dating in general.

From personal experience, the more years that pass, the less prone I am to jump into a relationship and my standards have become higher for potential relationship opportunities. The ideals we started holding onto at the age of 10 have kept fostering into grandiose images in our hearts and we don't let go. Our ideas become skewed and we (okay fine, I) feel that we, the ice-queen-bitch-who-IS-superior-to-all-you- scum, deserves more than what the world has offered us. But is this really true? I am not sure if I am quite deserving of what I want. Perfection is not for everyone, but then again, I'm not everyone. It baffles me that I have this stupid notion that one day this amazing man will come into my world, sweep me off my feet, and I will live happily ever after with him.

How realistic is that notion? Not very. What's even more odd is that I am one of the most cynical people I know or that most people know, but I am still bubbly and optimistic. How the fuck, excuse me, why the fuck would any God allow a person to live in such torment? I believe in true love but I'm too cynical to ever let it happen or think that it could ever happen to me. Optimistic Cynicism - a new form of cruel and unusual punishment.

Procastination Ensues and Revelations Surface Once Again

What do you drink with dinner?: usually water or nothing.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in?: I'm vegetarian!

What is your favorite type of food/cuisine?: Indian

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Empire Records (this one is near verbatim), The Saint, Clueless, Jay & Silent Bob Strikeback, Sandlot, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, & Dazed & Confused

Were you in sports in high school? tennis, indian dancing, & debating (contrary to popular belief, this is pretty hardcore & draining)

Were you a boy/girl scout? yes, I never got past the green-level

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?: I think Annie-belle, in Cali, when I was in 9th grade or so.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket?: yes, 4, maybe 5. I can't remember.

Ran out of gas? no.

Favorite kind of sandwich?: The vegetarian sandwich at Potbelly's. I wish they had one in Austin.

Best thing to eat for breakfast?: Biscuit & gravy

What is your usual bedtime?: 11-12-ish..... that's early folks

Are you lazy?: I have my days, but for the most part, I can't say that I am.

What's your favorite mixed drink?: Mojito

When you were a kid what did you dress up as for halloween? usually Ms. Universe, I had a crush on Sushmita Sen

Do you read the newspaper?: I read the Economist & WSJ online

How many languages can you speak? 4ish, English, Gujurati, Hindi, & proficient with Spanish (does Pig Latin count?)

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? nope, I move too often for that.

Is Fabio ugly?: yes.

Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs? Legos

Red wine or white wine?: I need to avoid wine, but red, and usually sangria.

Are you stubborn?: this might as well be my middle name

Who is better...Leno or Letterman?: Leno, I like Jay Walking & the newspaper clippings on Monday night

Watch a soap opera?: I used to watch Days of Our Lives, Sunset Beach (before it got cancelled), and Passion (before it got insanely unrealistic)

Afraid of heights?: no

Sing in the car?: habitually

Dance in the shower?: my ass has been bruised several times due to this habit of mine

Dance in the car?: i've embarassed a number of my friends

Ever used a gun?: paintball

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?: high school on picture day

Are musicals cheesy?: yes, especially Indian ones (but I'm a sucker for cheese)

Is Christmas stressful?: how can you be stressed with all the wonderful Christmas music?

Ever eat a pierogie?: i doubt it.

Favorite type of fruit pie?: usually foods that are fruity and nutty in nature, I avoid

Do you believe in ghosts?: no

Ever have a Dejavu feeling?: sometimes

Take a vitamin daily?: used to

Wear slippers?: flip flops

Wear a bath robe?: no, I look better in a towel

What do you wear to bed?: depends

First concert?: Youngstown by accident, I went to the mall and they were there performing and so I watched them. My first "Real" concert was the Wallflowers & 3rd Eye Blind (I touched Stephen Jenkins).

Any tattoos?: nope

Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart?: Target

Nike or Adidas?: Adidas

Fritos or Cheetos?: Cheetos - Jalapeno Cheddar

Corn nuts or sunflowers seeds?: neither

Ever heard of "gorp?": no

Ever take dance lessons?: with the infamous Indu Aunty

Is there a profession that you picture your perfect future spouse to have? I try not to think about spouses

Can you curl your tongue?: i suppose so

Ever won a spelling bee?: yes in 3rd & 4th grade. Talk about a powerhouse!

Have you ever cried because you were so happy?: yes

5 words that describe you?: smart, hardworking, goofy, outgoing, sincere

Own any record albums?: no

Own a record player?: no

Regularly burn incense?: no

Ever been in love?: no

Who would you really like to see in concert?: Madonna, Justin Timberlake, & Erasure

Hot tea or iced tea?: Iced Tea

Tea or coffee?: chai

Favorite kind of cookie?: snickerdoodle

Can you swim well? yes, I can dive too.

Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose?: yes

Ever had braces or a mouth piece?: yes

Are you artistic?: on occasion

Are you patient?: I'm patient with personalities and persons, not with punctuality

DJ or band, at a wedding?: band, but something orchestrated

Ever won a contest?: not that I can recall

Have plastic surgery?: maybe

Which are better, black or green olives? I LOVE BLACK OLIVES!

Can you knit or crochet? I hope I never become bored enough to learn, I usually opt to read before resorting to such low levels of self-abuse

Best room for a fireplace?: living room, bedroom, maybe even a bathroom

Want to get married?: not sure yet, I think I won't be convinced until I meet someone convincing