A Way Of Life

A Way of Life

Sebastian looked at Talan as she sipped on her egg drop soup cautiously. She didn’t want to burn her tongue like she had last time. He couldn’t take his gaze off of her and she barely noticed him these days or even cared about the effect she still had on him after all this time. He moved a strand of hair that was astray on her face and she looked up with deploring eyes and a coy grin. He put her hand in his and she leaned into him and laid her head on his shoulder.
“I miss you, I don’t think you understand how much I look forward to dinner these days,” he said half-heartedly.
“It’s only a couple of more months, then life will seem more normal again and we can be Sebastian and Talan,” she assured him.
“I knew this when you took the job, I’m just happy I get to see you for even a little bit. At least I can focus on my studies more now and get through my work more quickly than when you were around. Babe, only four more months, and then you can have a normal job, with normal hours,” he smiled.
“Normal…yeah, it’ll be normal. I couldn’t really think about working there another year,” she mumbled while stroking his palm thoughtlessly.
She leaned up, kissed him and squeezed his hand in a way that made him feel that she appreciated everything he had dealt with and sacrificed in order for this relationship to work. He gave her a squeeze back that transmitted every ounce of love he had in his body to hers. They went on finishing their meal and then got up to make their way back to their late nights, she with her financially intense job and he with his law books. He helped her with her long wool jacket and she instinctively interlocked her arm around his and put her hand in his pocket to meet his.
As they split at the block corner, he gave her a light kiss on her forehead and brought her in for a long bear hug. “I’ll see you at home.”
“Goodnight,” she responded listlessly. She released her hand from his and turned around and began walking down the sidewalk. Sebastian just stood there for a few minutes watching her walk away until she turned the corner. He couldn’t believe that after almost three and a half years, he still felt so much in love with her.

She made her way up to the office and found herself greeted with a new stack of papers to sort through. She looked at them and was not sure quite what to do. She leaned back in her chair and clicked on her inbox. As she waited for her inbox to pull up on her screen she found her eyes closing on her as she fell asleep for what only seemed like minutes.
She opened her eyes and saw her reflection in the bright computer screen full of excel spreadsheets. All she could see were her newly formed wrinkles under her eyes that she thought she could definitely avoid for another fifteen years and the exhaustion that infiltrated her now flushed skin. Despite her youthful energy in the mornings and even sometimes on her nights out, by the end of the work day, she could attest that she was a forty-eight year-old not-so-exuberant lady and very ready to pass on any plans that anyone threw her way.

Talan was only twenty-three and she felt like everyday brought about more and more grey hair, even though she only had two grey hairs. She was getting excited though; it was almost the end of her two year analyst program. The end was creeping up slowly but ever so surely. She had only four months left, and she had just received her third year analyst offer. She wasn’t sure if she was going to accept, but by the age of twenty-four she could be earning a quarter million dollars and moving up the investment banking ladder. At least all these days of hard work and nights without sleep were being well compensated. Even though the pay was ample, she wondered what she had sacrificed and what she was missing out on with her friends. She knew she still had maybe more than four months left to this horrid job before she could move on and her life could become a persistent humdrum life. But then again, maybe humdrum was something she was not accustomed to and would not know how to deal with.
“Ms. Sachs, I need these books put together by 5AM tomorrow morning. I have a meeting with a client at 7, and I need to review them before then. Finish them tonight and drop them off at my house when you’re done and make sure you take heed to all the corrections I’ve made,” officiated her managing director, Tom Leavitt, as he threw the piles of paper consisting only of financial analysis onto Talan’s desk.
“I’m on top of it.”
“Goodnight Ms. Sachs,” retorted Tom as if he was rubbing the fact that he was going to get sleep tonight in her face.
Talan quickly began working on the books that Tom had just ordered. She began to put together the financial analysis into spreadsheets, graphs and charts. Even though the work was monotonous, the one thing that Talan quickly came to learn was that her co-workers were not. They were always fun to hang out with late at night around the office when they were all waiting around for their books to be printed. After a year of being in the office, her fellow analyst, Jason, were known as the dynamic duo that were assigned on every project together but also hung out together outside of the office too. Talan was surprised that for once in her life she could actually maintain a professional and friendly relationship with a male. She always found herself attracting any guy that she tried to befriend. Even in college, every guy that she worked with always had a hidden agenda. Jason was simple.
“Jason! Wake up, you have work to do. You can’t be falling asleep, it’s only one o’clock.”
“Sachs, you’re killin’ me.”
“No, that would be your managing director.”
“Let’s go out for drinks.”
“As fun as that sounds, I have to finish these books. And even if I got off early today, my bed is calling my name. What does Bill say? ‘You have to earn your sleep around here son.’”
“Bill can go sit on it. I am done for the night. All the guys are going out tonight, you should come out. It’s Friday night. Do you know what that is anymore?”
“Shut your hole. You act like you’re the only one here that wants booze and ass.”
“Sachs, are you admitting that you’re not asexual? Do I need to send this out to the listserve? I mean, you’ll get them hitting on you so fast, Tom might as well have to take a number for those books, don’t worry, he’ll understand.” Jason winked.
Talan fell silent and ignored Jason’s usual babbling about how all she had to say was that she in fact did have a libido. She had become used to this lifestyle. She never understood why she wanted to be a banker. Maybe it was the money or the idea that women weren’t cut out for it, but whatever it was, she knew that she would be bored with any other career choice.

Working with practically only men, she began to miss her girl friends from college. She had grown tired of the debauchery and began yearning to make real girl friends in the office. That was hard to do. Either the girls in the office were squares and intensely boring or they were too slutty for her taste. She loved going out but, it never felt like college anymore. It felt creepy and not as carefree as it used to be. She was always going out with the guys and occasionally with her roommates when she could actually get off of work to meet up with them. Not only did the job dwindle down her choice of friendships, but she was growing isolated from all the people in her life that she had once felt she could not go a day, let alone month, without talking to.
“Stop playing ice queen. I am going to finish up this crap, so I can come in an at least an hour late tomorrow morning. Most of the guys won’t get done for another hour and I think we’re just gonna hit the Meat Packing District. You sure you don’t wanna come?”
“I want to, but it doesn’t seem like its possible tonight,” she responded half-heartedly as she pushed the “enter” button on her keyboard which signaled that the book was completed. Now she would have to turn it into the printing team and wait for them to put it together. Only God knew how long that would take. “I have to wait for these books and then drop them off at Tom’s place.”
“Fuckin’ shit. Well, I’ll wait for you.”
“No, just go out.”
“We’re a team, Sachs-Halstead. A highly fun team may I add. This shouldn’t take you too long, the printing team isn’t even busy tonight.”
“Jason, just go. I don’t have the energy to keep arguing with you.” Talan got up and began walking toward the elevators and pushed the down button.
Jason watched her get into the elevator and saw the doors closed as he leaned his seat backwards. He had never had trouble snagging a girl in his life. He always came, saw and conquered. Never had someone like Talan Sachs come into his life though. She had the sass that kept him coming back for more, but none of his ex-girlfriends had the poise and tact that she had. He could predict her every word, finish her sentences, and even order her meals, but he still felt that he knew nothing about her. Nothing. Every guy at work had at least tried asking her out once, if not twice, even then, Talan never agreed to take any offers. She knew full well that if the whole office could see any romantic interactions, then the teasing and gossip alone could be at the very least humiliating, if not mortifying. Many a nights in the office had Jason and Talan come close to becoming more personal than she wanted, but Talan always whisked around in her chair before it ever got to anything substantial.

When Talan arrived at her desk after checking with the printing department, she saw a note that Jason had left her on a pink post-it note on her computer monitor: Don’t work too hard, hardworker. I’ll see you out tonight. She had grown really fond of Jason over the last year and a half, he was the only real friend at the office she had. She could trust him. That was something she had never had before. She sat down at her computer and shook the mouse to bring the computer out of the idle mode. She checked her personal email and couldn’t waste time on many of her favorite sites because the company had blocked the websites all together. She had no option but to cruise CNN.com and MSNBC.com. After a half hour of wasting time online, an e-mail pop-up came up on her screen: Ms. Sachs, The books are printed, please come pick them up from the printing department. Have a wonderful evening and weekend. Best, The Printing Team.
She picked up the books, made her way into the company car, and asked the driver to take her to Tom Leavitt’s home, where she would drop off the books and make her way to the comfort of her bed. As she made her way into the car, she found Jason sitting there, waiting. How accustomed the two of them had become to their late night rendezvous. She plopped down into the seat; he grabbed the back of her thin, long neck and brought her lips to his mouth for the most human embrace either had received all week. Talan did not know a life outside of work, she couldn’t think in terms of “her life,” but only how she could be available for her job. The whole ride consisted of sophomoric antics with an adult twist.
Jason couldn’t help himself, “I’m taking the third year offer. I’m staying here, with the bank for another year.” Talan nibbled on his ear, signaling him to stop thinking, stop talking. “Are you taking the offer, we can keep our team…. Sachs-Halstead. We’re a legend in the office and they don’t even know about our after hours…”
She moved in and brushed her hand through Jason’s hair. She looked up at him and all she could think about was how she never felt this thrilled with Sebastian, she couldn’t remember the last time he excited her this way. She could only offer Jason indecision, “I don’t know. I haven’t given it too much thought.”
“How could you not have thought about it? You’ll get to spend another year with me that should be incentive enough.”
He threw his weight on her and through lost breath she mustered, “Great thought process you have there; I’ll use that reasoning to explain it to Sebastian.”
“Give him up,” Jason snapped as he made his way down her, unfastening her shirt button by button.
“It’s not that easy!” she retorted back. The anger just pulled her closer and she moved her down from his hair down his chiseled back.
“I want to take you out on a date,” he spurted out before he could even catch himself.
She pulled away, “I told you that wasn’t an option. It’s not what I want. I thought you didn’t want that either. This is… was supposed to be purely physical and professional…” She buttoned her shirt hurriedly in silence as Jason sat there staggered. He never even realized when these feelings even came over him.
He quickly tried to regain composure as she finished up buttoning her shirt and coyly remarked as he patted her lap, “Go be a good analyst and drop off those papers.”
“Goodnight,” Talan smirked as she let herself out and closed the car door behind her.
She made her way out of the car and straightened up her skirt and blazer and put her disheveled hair into a ponytail. She readjusted herself before she made her way up Tom’s stoop. She dropped off the books in the foyer and was now closing the door behind her. She made her way out and the driver had already opened the door for her. She made her way into the backseat of the black Lincoln. Her head quickly found its nook on the headrest and her arm lay motionless on the armrest and her eyes closed. Jason would make his way out of the car while she dropped off the books to catch a taxi to wherever. They both knew it would lead to nothing else, but Talan, like a moth to a flame, could not stop herself from being burned by desire. Talan never knew she could be so detached or that she was even capable of such an office affair, but one look at Jason and it was hard to keep anything plutonic. The day that she could actually have a plutonic relationship would be the day.

She was welling inside, full to the brim, of exhaustion as the car pulled up to the building. Talan could feel the pillow against her cheek.. As she walked in, she noticed that the foyer had been remodeled; the management had finally painted the plastered walls and decorated it with nice red rugs and tan sofas. It made it pleasant to come home to, almost welcoming, but something Talan would have to get used to nonetheless. She took the elevator to her apartment and as she opened the door to her room, she found Sebastian lying on her bed like usual. The only boyfriend she had, established in junior year of undergrad and loyal as a Doberman. He had become accustomed to sleeping alone in her bed until the wee hours of the night when she would make it home after work, but she promised him only two years of banking. Only two years. She changed into her pajamas and decided to forgo any hygienic activities for the sweet taste of her pillow. She would tell him in the morning or maybe tomorrow over dinner that she would be accepting the third year offer.
“Hey babe, you’re home,” as he leaned in to kiss her forehead and readjusted to put his arm around her waist.
“It was the longest day of my life,” she muttered.
“Just like tomorrow will be…” Sebastian whispered into her ear as she closed her eyes feeling the comfort of home.

BCK: Not A Value Meal

I only have 7 months left for potential Bad Car Karma (BCK) to strike. Then I will be in a metropolitan area that one can get around without a personal automobile. Anyone that has known me, knows that that I have huge car issues. Always. Beginning July 2007, I am rid of, for at least two years, CAR TROUBLES. Through my many years of car problems and encounters with others that have car problems, I always hear them say, "I didn't do anything, it just happens to me." For example, my brother Vishal ran into a light pole but said this, "It wasn't my fault, the other guy was about to run into me, I had to swerve and run into the pole. I didn't run into the pole." So the other guy held your steering wheel and swerved your car into the light pole? If it's not your fault, then who's fault is it? Did the pole move? Did someone move the pole to be in your way? Did the construction workers pave the roads wrong? I guess they didn't get the memo. Me on the other hand, I don't even have to go through denial. It's true, car problems come to me.

Since the ripe age of 16, I have had troubles with cars. I got my car, my dad's old car, about 4 months after I turned 16 and 3 days after it officially became my car, it was broken into. It was a Honda Accord '99 (I know, very Asian of me). It was sitting in front of our house in ghetto Arlington. You couldn't tell that it was broken into unless you went to the street side of the car because the thieves broke only the front passenger window and took my airbags. With this, the wiring in my car was negatively affected as well as the air conditioning. It never did work the same after that. It took almost three weeks to get this stupid thing fixed plus hours of bullshit with the insurance company.

Later that summer, I went to a friend's place to watch a movie. She lived about 20 minutes away from me. On my way back, I was stopped on the bridge of highway on-ramp and I was ticketed for going 70 mph (GOD FORBID) on the ramp because apparently with the surrounding construction the speed limit was 45 mph. The police officer was extremely stupid because if he saw where I got onto the bridge (there were three on-ramps to this bridge) he would have known that I was still under the impression that the speed limit was 65 mph plus it was midnight. My mom thought it was funny and my dad, who I thought would have chewed me out about the ticket, just said, "It's OK, it happens, but don't let it happen again." He agreed with me and told the judge that the reduced speed limit was not posted on the on-ramp, the judge still gave me deferred adjudication, probation, for 90 days. It was really more stupid than even I make it sound here. I couldn't do defensive driving because I was going 25 mph over the posted speed limit which puts me in the category with manslaughterers. I suppose that's very fair.

That same year, I was driving to school on a rainy day. Like a good driver, which was not always the case with me when I was younger, I was almost 4 cars behind the car in front of me, but the bloke behind me felt something magnetism for my car because he just couldn't stay off my ass. This boy , Randy, went to my school. He didn't even live in our district and was accordingly not supposed to be at my school and more importantly, he really pissed me off that day. He was in a jeep that had a grill on the front. From my rear view mirror, his car looked like it was going to eat my car. As situation would have it, the car in front of me braked really hard, so I braked. I had to brake pretty hard, and Randy braked hard and due to the lack of distance between the rear of my car and the front of his, he rear-ended my the back right side of my car as he tried to swerve out of the way. My question: did you not go to driving school? It should be fresh in your mind at the age of 16. This took about 1 week at the shop, not too bad and he paid for it all and admitted that it was his fault. Obviously, I didn't reverse into his car, which was remained scratch less.

On another rainy occasion, another genius from my school thought it would be a good idea to drive. Her name was Caroline. She was a year younger, I think. It was during lunch and I had a quiz in English. My friend Ashley was in the car with me and we were on our way to yummy old Kroger Cafe. We had left the parking lot like any other day and were standing in the left turn lane waiting for the red light to turn into a green arrow. The intersecting street had the green arrow to turn and Caroline, in her SUV, thought it would be a wise idea to make a left turn. From my point of view, she would be considered oncoming traffic. Needless to say, she fishtailed while making the left turn, hit the median and was airborne for several seconds and rammed her car into the SUV in front me. The car in front of me was displaced and the force of collision pushed the car into the lane to the right of the lane in which I was standing. As I watch the accident happen in front of my face, I hold onto my steering wheel for dear life. Caroline try to gain control of her car and in doing so, she turned her wheel in my direction and crashed into the front of my car. Thank God, I still have my legs. Ashley was wholly shaken and she had been in an accident earlier that week during lunch with Nisha. She never wanted to go off-campus for lunch. Me, on the other hand, was pissed. That's an understatement. I was not even moving and I got in an accident. That's what you call, "Being at the wrong place at the wrong time." The girl in the waiting in the left turn lane in front of me saved my life, if I was in her position, my car would have been too low and the airborne SUV would have definitely crushed the front of my car leaving me legless. I really do THANK GOD about that one. She walked out of the accident with a bruised arm. I, for the first time in my adolescent life, appreciated that my parents were there in a second and that my friends were stellar. The girl in the SUV in front of me had her mother rush over from work, but the girl that caused the accident had a friend that was in the car with her that left because he would be late for class. I felt bad for her, she was shaking and very nervous and scared. Nonetheless, my dad was there in a second, I think he even got there before the firetrucks, police, and ambulance and Ashley didn't leave me and walked me to my English class. That was the scariest accident I was in and the car took almost 2 months to fix, mainly because her auto insurance wouldn't cover some of the damages because of the half-ass insurance plan she was on. The whole accident and insurance situation was out of my control and that's what's most irritating about the whole accident. It happened in the first weekend of December in my senior year of high school.

Such incidents continued throughout college which left me carless for a combined one year due to car repairs during the whole four years of college. Thank goodness post college does not have to worry about having a car!

Back-Stabbing Skank

"I'll pick out two outfits, one which is disgusting and one nice and I'll ask my 'friend' what they think. If they go for the revolting one, I cut them out of my life."

Pairs Hilton on how she weeds out her friends

I am thinking about implementing this tactic in my personal life. This profound piece of wisdom, or the lack thereof, in this woman baffles me. Is this really the key to life on deciding who you should keep in your life? I mean if it is, then why did it take Paris to figure it out? I guess she is the Newton of our generation.

Next time I go out downtown, I'm going to ask one of my friends to pick out my outfit. If that bitch even thinks about picking the ugly outfit well she's axed. Fuck that friendship. On the other hand, I would like to think I don't possess any ugly clothes so that if any of my friends were to be in that situation they wouldn't really be able to screw me over, even if they were trying. I found the glitch in Paris' reasoning. This is definitely a complete day.

Does Paris know that drugs are not for kids. Does she know that cocaine is bad for her? She should keep it legal and stick to liquid cocaines. If any of you out there have not had a liquid cocaine, I will buy you one and even take one with you, but I can only take one on any one outing. Those things are potent. So pick a night and hold on tight.

The Big ONE Year Anniversary

The Summer of 2005 was just grand. I spent it interning in Chicago and it was one of the best times of my life even if it got lonely at times. In order to keep my mind off of being homesick and lonely without my friends and familia, all the lovely people in my life that I hold near and dear came to visit me. They think that they came to visit the gorgeous and best city in the whole United States of America, Chicago, but they really came to visit me, take me out of my loneliness, and experience the greatness that I yapped on and on and on about, or at least that's what they had me thinking. I LOVE Chicago and most of them left loving it too. I could see myself living there forever, but that's another story.

On August 13th, 2005, Mary flew into Chicago to come spend a marvelous 5 days with me and then help me pack and drive back to Texas. Those five days felt like the "Last Hurrah." My roommate, Danielle, came two days later and I can honestly say that those 5 days were the most unforgettable days I have ever had in my life. EVER. Well maybe not EVER, but they sure as hell are right up there with some of my best memories. I not only realized the awesome-ness of Chicago but also the bomb-dot-com quality of my friends (I mean this in all sincerity). I say that this is our Last Hurrah because after this week, both of my friends have been in committed relationships that they are still in today. Yuck! (Why would you give up the life you had before "relationships"?... I'm prejudice about this.) This was a Last Hurrah in another way as well. We had spent all junior year of college getting trashed and drunk from happy hours to 6th street, our newly attained 21-year-old status took our debauchery to new heights and away from frat houses! That's something to be excited about. When they came to Chicago, it felt like a continuation of the year, but this time in a bigger city, and a place where more venues of inebriation were available. Chicago! Chicago! In many ways, it's like Vegas, without the open containers and legalized gambling and prostitution. Not one night did we come home before sunrise, this was quite the novelty experience coming from Texas where bars stop serving at 2:00AM sharp!

On August 14th, Mary and I made, what turned out to be during her 5 day stint, our daily trip to H&M. In Texas, we don't have an H&M so we took full advantage of this opportunity. We had had a blast the night before, an utterly good time and felt our trip to H&M was highly deserved; however, the question throughout the day became: how will we top last night? We honestly thought that this was a near impossible feat. Which at the time and at the previous night's level of debauchery seemed rather impossible. (Sidenote: Many of the details of our Chicago happenings cannot be produced because the three of us firmly stand next to our Chicago mantra, however cliche it may be, What Happens In Chicago, Stays In Chicago.) Nonetheless, Mary was shopping for an outfit to wear that night. She made a purchase and then like real Indians (of the DOT not the FEATHER) we went home and took our daily nap. With partying until 7:00 in the morning, daily naps became essential. We would spend the rest of our afternoons eating foods from all my favorite restaurants that she had heard me rave about and then go site seeing. In order to validate how cultured I really can be, I can categorically say that Chicago has way much more than an active and incredible night life to offer. It has amazing architecture, some of the best museums to date, and some great history lying at every inch of the city in addition to shopping and Oprah. The summer weather in Chicago alone is to die for. Chicago really is magical as Mary proved on numerous occasions during her stay.

Many a times during our trip Mary had me in awe. That night was not any different. We began our night like every other night, pre-partying at the apartment (or in our case my dorm) and choosing our nightly destination with our trusty and handy-dandy friend, metromix.com. Mary and I had made our "going-out" decisions based purely on the information found on metromix.com. Being the Austinites and college students that we are, we tried to go to places that had cheap beer, a fun ambiance, and straight hip-hop booty music. Mary has a booty which she can no doubt shake like a salt shaker and is also why the music is sooo crucial in our decision. That night we decided we could pay cover because we wanted to go to a place that was more "bumpin'" and a little less college. We decided to go to the Gold Coast, aka Rush & Division, which turned out to be an even older crowd than what we had expected.

As we made our way down there, there were only two places that really seemed to have a huge crowd for a Sunday night. Since I had already been to the other place before and found it "Eh," we decided to go to Leg Room instead. As we walked in, we paid our cover, scoped out the place for any lookers (which Chicago severely lacks), and made our way to the bar. The crowd was late-20s, and early-mid 30's. We, the 21 year-olds, felt quite young, actually very young. In order to look pretentious and mainly because we were bored with the yuppie-wanna-be crowd and goldigging crowd surrounding us, we ordered our Miller Lites and traveled around the bar. We were already quite inebriated by the time we even got to the Gold Coast. With about 4 to 5 vodka shots each and my low tolerance, I was already in my state of alcoholic nirvana. Since sitting is hardly an option, I found myself, along with Mary, traveling around the bar, in my more comfortable of heels, thank goodness. As we passed the so-called VIP area, I noticed that the VIP was getting more attention than I'd ever seen any VIP in Austin receive, well this is before I saw Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong out and about in Austin this grand summer of 2006. After blatant staring and many "Ohmygosh, I wonder who it could be-s," I finally saw some girls that were surrounding the VIP move. It was Charles Barkley. It was hard to tell that it was him at first. He wasn't dressed up and after "letting himself go" after his NBA career, he could've literally been incognito for all I knew. Despite the fact that he played for the Suns and the Rockets, I still wanted to meet him. I won't lie, I could barely tell who he was, but with a little bit of alcohol mixed in with my love for celebrities, it was definitely an opportunity I really didn't want to miss and had to jump on. I couldn't believe it, THE Charles Barkley was just mere inches away!

After getting excited about being in the same place as Charles Barkley at the same time as Charles Barkley, Mary and I decided that we were cool and attractive enough to be wanted in VIP (this, unfortunately, was due to our level of inebriation). So in the I-think-I-can-roll-with-celebrities-even-though-I'm-posing sort of way, we start making our trek over to the VIP area. This is when I almost had a hernia. On second thought, I did have a hernia. Some people in the VIP had moved around and that's when I saw him. He was not getting half the attention that he deserved and Mary didn't even know who he was, but I did. I knew. It was America's Team's fast-like-a-bullet running back of all times and Dallas Cowboys' Ring of Honor holder, Emmitt Smith. Oh! How I love thee. Apparently Chicago is NOT Dallas because no one was on Emmitt Smith's jock, well except for me of course. I was getting really hot and bothered and the most excited that I've ever been in a really long time.

Mary was not enthused and did not believe me when I told her that really was in fact Emmitt Smith. She said stupid things like, "Are you sure?" and "How do you know it's Emmitt Smith?" I wanted to smack her across the face at the latter question, but I love her, so I just said, "I'm from fucking Dallas, I love the Cowboys, the one person I could spot in any crowd is Emmitt Smith. Do you know who my mom is? She only gives birth to loyal Cowboys fans! She would be crapping in her pants right now!" Not like seeing my favorite football player could have really been topped at this point, it actually gets better. No shit. He then notices us; ok fine, he notices Mary (that ass of hers is really something). I was of course pissed because she doesn't even know who he is, why the fuck should she get his attention? Well actually, she does know who he is, but she doesn't have the same appreciation or love or adoration that I possess for him. He smiles at us, raises his glass of Don Perion at us, and then waves. I giggle and Mary acts like a complete snob by acting like she gets this kind of attention all the time, which, in her defense, she does. Earlier that summer, the G-Unit entourage sought her out for sexual escapades with Lloyd Banks which she did not pursue due to my adoration and devotion for him. I must admit she is a loyal friend, but you can also see that she is used to black athletes and rappers always giving her attention. She has also been kissed by LL Cool J, but that's another story. She really is a MaluPrincess when it comes celebrities or black guys. You can be the judge of that.

By this time I'm thinking, Now my mind is working. The alcohol is doing wonders. It makes me invincible. With this notion, I make my coy way to the "bathroom" which "coincidentally" happens to be right next to the VIP. As we head that way and we come out of the bathroom, Emmitt Smith is right next to the bathroom entrance and fate could not have made this any easier for me even if it tried. Seriously. We walk by him and as we are about to pass him, the thoughts of my mom shunning me and disowning me for not grabbing the opportunity to talk to Emmitt Smith when receiving the chance crossed my mind. I didn't want to be disowned! I had to do something! So, I tap him on his shoulder and spurt out, "My friend wants to do you." He then takes the back of Mary's head, leans in and gives her a kiss! A KISS. Can you believe it? I should've said, "I want to do you!" Needless to say, it was one of the few times in my life when I was actually jealous.

Nonetheless, being the attention-hungry human being that I am, I took the attention away from Mary, centered it to me and began my firing of multitudes of questions to Emmitt. He and I were officially homies by this point in the evening so I was at liberty to call him Emmitt. I began with telling him that I am originally from Dallas and that I am a huge Cowboys fan. I even was drunk enough to tell him that he lived in Pensacola, with his wife, children and mother. He went to UF and that he should have been embarassed of himself for making that stupid gator sign with his arm. He said that most people don't know that about him, but I confirmed his suspicions that I'm not most people. Obviously. He said the swamp was fun and I said, "Yeah for The Crocodile Hunter." That made me laugh, my joke that is. "Florida is for geezers and hurricanes," as my dad would say. I also told him my mom would be soo jealous of me right now and to that he so blatantly commented, "Does your mom look anything like you?" with a creepy-sexual look in his eye. The next 30 minutes or so were some of the most memorable minutes in my life. The following is a recount of what I remember and the only funny parts of our conversation. It does not in any way portray the full account of our conversation.

Mamta: So what are you doing in Chicago?
Emmitt: I'm looking to invest in financial real estate investment. Ya know? It's about money and stuff, not something you got to worries about girl. Ya know?
Mamta: Yeah. Is this what you're doing now that you're retired? You know you were a traitor when you left for the Cardinals? I was sad and I'm a business finance student at the University of Texas. [said with a "jack ass, I'm not trying to get inside your pants just because I love you" intonation]
Emmitt: Well what can you do. I hurt my knee so it doesn't matter too much. I'm retired now, you know. You a business girl? So what business are you girls doing tonight?
Mamta: I can't believe you retired, you're such a sissy. [I ignored the other question very apparently] One knee injury and you're out... if you ask me, you still have a couple of good years in you. You're just being a cop-out.

Mamta: So, do you still live in Pensacola? [probably the most stalker question I asked]
Emmitt: Yeah.
Mamta: Where are your Super Bowl rings? Why aren't you wearing them?
Emmitt: All that bling weighs me down. [points to his diamond stud earrings and watch] This bling is heavy enough as it is.
Mamta: So since you have like 3 Super Bowl Rings, can't you just give me one? Let me wear your watch, c'mon.
Emmitt: I'd let you wear one if I had them with me. I leave that at home, it's just too much bling and homegirl, I don't want that bling to fade, I keeps it at home. [isn't Emmitt a character?]

Emmitt: So what are you girls doing tonight? You want to come hang out with us?
Mamta: Don't you have a wife and three children?
Emmitt: Yeah.... so what are you up to tonight?
Mamta: Do you cheat on your wife regularly? Don't your vows mean anything to you?
Emmitt: [just keeps smiling and looking creepy-sexual]
Mamta: You're a pansy.
Emmitt: Well...[he just keeps smiling with a goofy look on his face mixed with a hinge of seductive pedophile.... Michael Jackson-esque]
Mamta: [Mary keeps nudging me because she's bored and doesn't want to talk to Emmitt any longer, or more like watch me talk to Emmitt any longer] Well, we're going to go, it was nice meeting you.
Emmitt: So what are you girls doing tonight? We're going to leave soon...so [I guess] we'll meet you outside in 20 minutes. [this is not a question, but more rather a statement to the girls in front of him (us) who he believes are groupies....yeah, Emmitt thinks I'm a groupie!!!!!]

Needless to say, I love Emmitt Smith and all, or I would not have remembered the one year mark of the day on which I met him, but I have principles (or so I would like to think) and I will not go home with a married man. I would hate to be his wife and even worse the "other woman," or in Emmitt's case "one of his many women." Mary didn't even give two shits about Emmitt Smith so she definitely didn't even contemplate the idea of going home with him that night. I won't lie, Emmitt Smith wanted this milkshake (hahaha) and I did not succumb (which wasn't as hard of a decision as I make it sound), but I am still really jealous that Mary kissed him, extremely jealous. I mean I wouldn't go make out with Cedric Benson, the love of her football life, even if I had the chance. August 14th, 2005 will go down in history as by far one of the most memorable days of my life. I finally got to meet my favorite football player of all times who also turned out to be one of the most despicable and dishonorable men I have ever met. I have now lowered my standards on celebrities having any moral principles, but commend the ones that do. Emmitt Smith, don't worry, you're still my favorite football player, well until Vince Young kicks ass in the NFL. I got his back, I mean I hung out with him before he became big. So you know, you gotta keep it gangsta and you definitely have to keep it real. You have given me many a good games and a childhood full of nothing but Dallas Cowboys domination of the NFL. Thank you. Even though you're short and not attractive, the next time you meet me, please kiss me. I can't let Mary feel that she has one up on me. It's just too hard to bear.

Gregory Gym: Steaming One Heart at a Time

The gym can be an intimidating place. Everyone at the gym is there for the sole purpose of looking better and feeling more fit. In general, the gym is a vain place to be, it is best to go there, have your headphones on, and act like you don't know who anyone is or that you are way too engrossed in your work out to give a damn about your surroundings: "HELLO... I am at the gym, where I am thinking about how my day sucked and working on turning my flab into abs, I do NOT have time for you!" Well that's what I thought until a couple of days ago. I go to the Gregory Gym (it's on the UT campus) and there are always some unattractive people there that just wear whatever they have and go to the gym to merely work out. I fall into this category. There are some people that go to the gym that dress up, or so you would think, just to work out and get attention and give attention, but mainly get attention. One my best girl friends falls under this category, I call her Turbo. These people are pretty hot though, I wont lie. There are some that don't have to do anything but show up to the gym, flex a couple of muscles, run a mile and they will still be hot. God damn and god bless you. I haven't made up my mind just yet. Thanks for being good eye candy, but fuck you for lowering my self-esteem.

One day I was at the gym, I was even dressed cute. Never in a million years did I think looking cute at the gym would be important to me, but it was a blessing that I looked like a presentable gym-goer on that day. I had been doing a ridiculous amount of cardio work out and hence building up my endurance which really worked in my favor. I am trying to drop pounds so that I can roll with Aishwarya Rai in Bollywood movies and of course at all the cool Mumbai clubs. I am not this fobby in "real life." Anyways, I usually just stay on the elliptical machine for an hour to get a good cardio workout. I usually select Interval Hills at Level 3, sometimes Level 5 if I want to challenge myself, on reverse mode. Only when I am on this machine do I even come close to comparing to Turbo's popularity at the gym. (Sidenote: When we go out to 6th street, where most college kids hang out, we will meet guys and they have, many a times, asked her, "Aren't you the girl from the gym?") I look like I rule the gym and I know I intimidate everyone because I'm going like 8.8-9.4 mph on the elliptical machine and that's pretty fast compared to everyone else that's around me on the machine. I don't mean to put others to shame but hey, if you got it, you got it and my momma said, "FLAUNT IT!" I don't want to subdue my god-given greatness on the elliptical machine.

On this one particular day, I chose to only work out on the elliptical for 30 minutes and spend the remaining 30 minutes on the treadmill. On the treadmill, I proceeded with interval training for 30 minutes, or 15 intervals of 1 minute of sprinting at 8.0 mph and 0 incline followed by 1 minute of fast walking at 3.5 mph at a 1.0% incline. This is how Jessica Simpson has her banging fine body and rock solid lower abdominal. Of course I want to look like Jessica Simpson, but who doesn't? Actually now that Ashlee Simpson got a nose job, I could want to look like her too. This is a toss up actually. Nonetheless, in my endeavor to look like one of the Simpson sisters, I was being "eyed" by a hot hot hot guy. I mean HOT! Steam was literally coming out of his orifices and he could be the next Dr. McSteamy, but I doubt he's a doctor. A pressing issue, I know. Since I didn't know his name, I called him "Steamy."

I do not know if I'm confident or in denial but I do not like to think that I am unattractive or even below average when it comes to appearances. While I was running on the treadmill, many were eyeing me, which I think is how it should be. I was wearing short shorts and a cute pink shirt from my IM volleyball days. When I say I was getting eyed, I mean I was getting eyed by some hotties. But no hottie could ever compare to Steamy who was on the mat area doing crunches with the medicine ball. He kept glancing over at me every couple of minutes and we would make eye contact and then smile. It was out of this world. Who in the hell would have thought someone that good looking would actually notice me? Especially while I was sweaty and disgusting? I felt that for once in my life, my horoscope was dead on. I was going to fall in love today for real. Woo hoo!

It's not until I was done with my interval training that I realized what his true intentions were. He saw me slow down and enter the "Cool Down" mode of my workout and look normal again when, as Salt-N-Pepa would say, "He started walking this way!" My heart was racing and my inner-Mamta was smiling ear-to-ear. I finished the "Cool Down" stage and eventually came to a full-stop on the treadmill. I found the bottle of anti-bacterial spray on the floor next to the treadmill and then picked it up and sprayed the treadmill console. I then proceeded to wipe it clean with the tarry cloth that was draping over the treadmill handles. After I cleaned and placed everything back in its correct position, I raised my glance and Steamy was a foot away from me, looking me straight in the eyes. I was officially weak-at-my-knees. Scarlett from Gone With the Wind could not have been any more in love. I saw every inch of his face and it was clear and smooth like a baby's butt. It was the best looking skin I'd ever seen in person, next to Ryan Cabrera. He opened his mouth, and with a twinkle in his eye, asked me, "Are you done with the treadmill?"

I heard the screeching noise that plays in movies when the girl or guy gets the shock that they were totally not expecting from the anyhow unrealistic situation that they are in. I should've known better, I'm only as good as the treadmill I run upon. Nothing more. I then answered, "Yeah" and proceeded with the rest of my workout. I was crushed. That moment will live on in my heart forever.